1. Found in my Google Voice account, unopened for several years

    1. Me: This is the holy priesthood of the sandwich diety autohotline. It appears you have not finalized your supplications to the sandwich diety. 9:16 PM
    2. 252: WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU TEXTING ME FROM BEN. 9:16 PM
    3. Me: Please note that vengence will be writ upon you by the diety and this is your final warning. Good day! 9:16 PM
    4. 252: :O 9:17 PM
    5. Me: As a courtesy, the priesthood would like to remind you that you are not allowed to bring mayonase with you into sandwich hell. 9:19 PM
    6. Me: All moisteners and other toppings will be confiscated at the gate. The toasted crusts of sandwich hell are ever grating. Thk you for chosing the sandwich diety. 9:20 PM
    7. 252: STOP TORTURING ME. 9:26 PM
     
  2. 19:02 22nd Apr 2014

    Notes: 8

    Reblogged from rated-ncc1701

    rated-ncc1701:

    no but really Star Trek 3 is just Kirk trying to walk around the iPhone 7  Enterprise and be worthlessly rude to people while every female cast member (and bones) clings to his legs and swoons

    and then after the final battle he and spock share a loving bro-tastic bonding moment fulla crackin’ wise and repressed feelings and Uhura just rolls her eyes bc lol oh u guys haha what’s that about that important role I’m supposed to have on this ship again???

    then laugh track

    credits

    then i shoot myself

    the end

     
  3. 17:59

    Notes: 5994

    Reblogged from afternoonsnoozebutton

    tastefullyoffensive:

Zen Dog [x]
     
  4. image: Download CC-by-nc-sa license.

    (Source: smbc-comics.com)

     
  5. 07:33

    Notes: 30220

    Reblogged from dreadfulseahag

    aimee-b-loved:


The king Westeros deserves.

    aimee-b-loved:

    The king Westeros deserves.

    (Source: labyrinthresource)

     
  6. 20:42 21st Apr 2014

    Notes: 73

    Reblogged from onionlike

     
  7. 18:40

    Notes: 6612

    Reblogged from afternoonsnoozebutton

     
  8. 06:57

    Notes: 21741

    Reblogged from afternoonsnoozebutton

    (Source: twitter.com)

     
  9. 16:07 20th Apr 2014

    Notes: 134531

    Reblogged from afternoonsnoozebutton

    jaaaaaaawn:

    methdragon:

    be there or 

    image

    That square is 5 bees by 6 bees I’ll have you know that is a bee rectangle you have failed

     
  10. 09:17

    Notes: 363

    Reblogged from colchrishadfield

    image: Download CC-by-nc-sa license.

    colchrishadfield:

Good morning! While hunting Easter eggs this morning the crew of the Space Station found a big one, full of goodies.

    colchrishadfield:

    Good morning! While hunting Easter eggs this morning the crew of the Space Station found a big one, full of goodies.

     
  11. 08:48

    Notes: 59867

    Reblogged from kkpurry

    "Kings" + Final Words

    (Source: droqo)

     
  12. 20:15 19th Apr 2014

    Notes: 49136

    Reblogged from stupidswampwitch

    stupidswampwitch:

    masooood:

    safeidgul:

    Why can’t there be a male hooter’s equivalent where male servers are shirtless and highly sexualized for their bodies and looks

    Male Strip clubs. You’re thinking of male strip clubs.

    No. Not a male strip club. A strip club is a strip club. I want a place called Cahones where waiters wear Speedos and are forced to stuff if they don’t fill out their uniform well enough. I want them to giggle for my tips. I want it to be so normalised and engrained in our culture that women bring their daughters there for lunch (because whaaaaaat the wings are good! Geeze sensitive much?) where they’ll give playful little nudges like, “Wouldn’t mind if you dad had those. Heh heh heh.” that their daughters don’t even understand but will absorb and start to assume is just the normal way grown up women talk about grown up men. I want to playfully ask my waiter if I can have extra nuts on my salad and for him to swat my arm with an Oh, you because he knows if he doesn’t his manager will yell at him. I want other men to pretend to like going there so I think they’re cool. I want to go to Cahones during my lunch break at work and when I come back and tell the other women in the office where I went they chuckle slightly and the men around us suddenly feel self conscious and they don’t know why.

     
  13. 13:30

    Notes: 28900

    Reblogged from afternoonsnoozebutton

    todaymaybemusic:

    um you guys

    (Source: musica-mundana)

     
  14. 13:23

    Notes: 5

    Reblogged from catsgethigh

    image: Download CC-by-nc-sa license.

    catsgethigh:

Persephone. Watercolor. #art #mythology #watercolor #tattoo #tattoocandy #traditional #traditionaltattoo #lady #ladyhead #ladyheadtattoo  (at Tattoo Candy)

    catsgethigh:

    Persephone. Watercolor. #art #mythology #watercolor #tattoo #tattoocandy #traditional #traditionaltattoo #lady #ladyhead #ladyheadtattoo (at Tattoo Candy)

     
  15. 13:14

    Notes: 280733

    Reblogged from tickettoothemoon

    suluboo:

    relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

    (Source: ofelrond)